Posts Tagged 'humor'

Lies my Dad told me.

My Mom spent my childhood scaring me with exaggerated truths that have left me weary of any and all strangers, even now. My Dad, on the other hand, made stuff up with the hopes that I would embarrass myself later in life. Just kidding, he probably had no idea that I would think dryer sheets were called dusties until I was 19 and in the dorm laundry room.

Dusties: The thing you put in the dryer with your clothes to make them smell good. They are also used to dust your house, preferably after they have come out of the dryer. If you use them BEFORE they’ve gone through the dryer then you are being wasteful.

Durdurs: The cardboard tube your toilet paper and paper towels come wrapped around. You hold it over your mouth like a little trumpet and march around saying, “Dur dur dur dur dur!”

Adults aren’t ticklish after 5 pm: We could never tickle Dad because he always got home from work too late. And we would forget on weekends, because kids have short attention spans so will 1) forget to try to tickle Dad on the weekends and 2) give up after 5 seconds of trying to tickle him. I still don’t know if he is ticklish or not.

He liked mustard in his cereal: We had these fruit bowls when we were growing up (now I have them in my cabinets) and my Dad always grabbed the one with a pear painted on the bottom. He would quickly swish his milk and cereal around and say, “You can see the mustard at the bottom! Look at that!” When we wanted to put mustard in our cereal he would say that we wouldn’t like it  because we weren’t adults yet.

Mom used to tenderize meat by stomping on it: My Mom has one of those spiky meat hammers the tenderize meat before she cooks it. It’s great and I’m convinced that it’s her specific hammer that makes her food taste so good. But Dad told us once that before we were born, Mom would lay the meat out on the floor and stomp on it. You’d have to be careful when you were eating it because you might find a foot print.

The “Queen Bean”: The hunk of bacon fat they put in cans of beans. I almost forgot this one. Until we were having beans with dinner and I said to my boyfriend, “I don’t know where the Queen Bean went. I don’t think I have it so watch out for it.” And he said, “The what?” Thanks, Dad.

Private school was literally a carnival: Dad went to a private catholic school growing up and had so many stories about the shenanigans the nuns would pull. The oldest nun would drive the Lunch Train and pick up all the kids on the way to lunch. if you missed it you would have to run after it because she wouldn’t stop for you! Fridays were Carnival Day and all the nuns would dress up like clowns and hand out cotton candy at the bottom of the slide at recess. Once, my Gram went to pick up Dad early from school and they had to distract her so she wouldn’t see how much fun the kids were having.

Did your parents mess with you when you were growing up?

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Group Texting

My parents recently re-vamped their front garden. My brother, Bob (aka Robert) and I were there for the first part, but my Dad sent us a group text of the finished garden. For some completely unknown reason, he included my Mom in the group as well.

mass text

 

Mother’s Day Planning

Mother's Day Planning

Gram is “just fine!”

When ever I call my Gram (or my parents call her) and I ask how she is, she always (ALWAYS) says, “Well, better.” As if to imply that she has been ill. She started this around the time my parents switched from inviting her to dinner 6 nights a week to 3ish. She’ll elaborate by explaining that she doesn’t know what to do with all the sticks she collected from her yard (she keeps them in the garage) or her house is dirty (she literally sweeps dirt under the rugs) or her car is broken (the dash is lit up like a Christmas tree and she refuses to have it looked at). None of which have anything to do with health or well being.

This was not the case when I talked to her yesterday.

GramIsFine

Nationality Math with Mom

Please remember. She teaches math to children.

Nationaility Math with Mom

Finance Committee Meeting

Finance meeting

Bath Bombs

Bath Bombs


Hello, I’m Kerry! Maker. Sewist. Fan of all things bright.

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It's Fluff! Curious, master napper, likes to try new veggies.

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