Lies my Dad told me.

My Mom spent my childhood scaring me with exaggerated truths that have left me weary of any and all strangers, even now. My Dad, on the other hand, made stuff up with the hopes that I would embarrass myself later in life. Just kidding, he probably had no idea that I would think dryer sheets were called dusties until I was 19 and in the dorm laundry room.

Dusties: The thing you put in the dryer with your clothes to make them smell good. They are also used to dust your house, preferably after they have come out of the dryer. If you use them BEFORE they’ve gone through the dryer then you are being wasteful.

Durdurs: The cardboard tube your toilet paper and paper towels come wrapped around. You hold it over your mouth like a little trumpet and march around saying, “Dur dur dur dur dur!”

Adults aren’t ticklish after 5 pm: We could never tickle Dad because he always got home from work too late. And we would forget on weekends, because kids have short attention spans so will 1) forget to try to tickle Dad on the weekends and 2) give up after 5 seconds of trying to tickle him. I still don’t know if he is ticklish or not.

He liked mustard in his cereal: We had these fruit bowls when we were growing up (now I have them in my cabinets) and my Dad always grabbed the one with a pear painted on the bottom. He would quickly swish his milk and cereal around and say, “You can see the mustard at the bottom! Look at that!” When we wanted to put mustard in our cereal he would say that we wouldn’t like it  because we weren’t adults yet.

Mom used to tenderize meat by stomping on it: My Mom has one of those spiky meat hammers the tenderize meat before she cooks it. It’s great and I’m convinced that it’s her specific hammer that makes her food taste so good. But Dad told us once that before we were born, Mom would lay the meat out on the floor and stomp on it. You’d have to be careful when you were eating it because you might find a foot print.

The “Queen Bean”: The hunk of bacon fat they put in cans of beans. I almost forgot this one. Until we were having beans with dinner and I said to my boyfriend, “I don’t know where the Queen Bean went. I don’t think I have it so watch out for it.” And he said, “The what?” Thanks, Dad.

Private school was literally a carnival: Dad went to a private catholic school growing up and had so many stories about the shenanigans the nuns would pull. The oldest nun would drive the Lunch Train and pick up all the kids on the way to lunch. if you missed it you would have to run after it because she wouldn’t stop for you! Fridays were Carnival Day and all the nuns would dress up like clowns and hand out cotton candy at the bottom of the slide at recess. Once, my Gram went to pick up Dad early from school and they had to distract her so she wouldn’t see how much fun the kids were having.

Did your parents mess with you when you were growing up?

Advertisements

4 Responses to “Lies my Dad told me.”


  1. 1 Anonymous June 5, 2015 at 10:39 pm

    It’s not really lying to kids… I mean, it’s good clean fun and by golly, look at the lasting impression it has. Kerry’s Dad

  2. 3 katherineisawake June 8, 2015 at 8:27 pm

    My dad can bend his thumb back a weird way and told us it was because he had rubber in there. I’m embarrassed to say how old I was before I realized that was not the case…


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s





%d bloggers like this: