Archive for January, 2011

Margo the Cargo Whale

Margo the Cargo Whale… A Tragic Whale Story

It was a cheery day at sea when Margo the Whale realized her life was purposeless.

She’d have to come up with something to justify her life. Otherwise, she was afraid, she might wither away.

She tried becoming a bird catcher, but she felt too guilty imprisoning her friends.

The next obvious choice was a hair dresser, but whales have no hair to style and no hands to style with.

Things were getting rough. “Oh!” thought Margo. “I can sell cell phones! Maybe this is my true calling!”

Margo took a break from her search. What could she do with her life that was both satisfying and helpful to others? She frowned, deep in thought.

Then it came to her!
Margo would become… a Cargo Whale!

Trailing behind small ocean liners, Margo the cargo Whale could fill her life with meaning and purpose.

But the cargo began to block her breathe hole. And it became quite heavy.

Margo’s cargo crushed and suffocated her.

 

t was a cheery day at sea when Margo the Whale realized her life was purposeless.

Chloe in Love

Chloe in Love… A Tragic Whale Story

 

Ever since she was a young thing, Chloe wanted to be loved.

 

She had her first kiss in the second grade with a charming little boy whale by the name of Theodore.

 

He moved away soon after.

Theodore promised to write big, choppy letters with a misshapen, second-grader’s alphabet as often as possible. Chloe promised to dictate legible responses to her dad as he typed them on the computer for her.

Theodore’s plane crashed. All perished.

It took a long time and many years, but Chloe was finally able to stop crying and move on with her life. Albert was her new Theodore, and she promptly started wearing makeup.

At 28, Albert was ten years her senior and an international business phenomenon. He traveled the world on a daily basis. Terrified of planes, Albert always traveled by boat.

Chloe was sure Albert would propose to her, they were SO in love!

Meanwhile, somewhere in the North Atlantic…

Albert’s ship was crashing into an iceberg. Considering first that the ship was rumored to be unsinkable, and second that everyone on board was a whale, it was a mystery as to how they all perished.

But they did.

Chloe slumped into a terrible depression. She lost vast amounts of weight and became, accidently, whale-orexic.

Her parents sent her to rehab to get whale-y again.

It took two years, but Chloe was finally back to her old self. Plus, she’d met, and fallen in love with, a very attractive rehab attendant. His name was Arty.

Chloe had found the love she’d been searching for her entire life. The deaths of Theodore and Albert were blessings in disguise; Arty was the real deal.

Arty was thoughtful and made Chloe laugh. They planned to live happily ever after.

Almost out of nowhere, a shark appeared and gobbled them up. They died together.

Milk Bone

When a normal dog is given a milk bone, it eats it. Yum yum yum and it’s gone. Not my dog. First he has to lunge at it and jump away, as if he’ intimidating the bone.

He’ll toss it in the air a couple times and try to catch it. It will either land on the floor or bonk him in the head.

He’ll nab it and gnaw it a bit.

Then he has to roll around on top it, like he’s marking it. We have no other dogs, so I’m not sure who he’s trying to send a message to. He spends the most time on this part –  sneezing and checking the bone often to make sure it’s still there.

When he’s satisfied, he just eats it. Nothing fancy, just crunch crunch crunch and licks up the crumbs. He’ll look at you and cock his head like YOU’RE the crazy one.

My mom thinks it’s because he doesn’t have any dog friends.

Louis’s New Friend

Louis’s New Friend… A Tragic Whale Story

Louis traveled aimlessly on his own for several years before finally stumbling upon a new companion.

 

Judy the Fish had recently lost her entire family to a fishing boat. Louis listened to her story with a sullen look on his face.

Louis informed Judy that all would be fine now; he would keep her as safe as he could. She was so pleased she temporarily changed from purple to red.

She changed back. Louis took a deep breath and dove. Judy followed.

They dove to the deepest part of the sea and warmed their bodies by some heat vents. Judy was glad for the company; Louis was sure he could fall in love.

But Louis, unlike Judy, did not pull oxygen from the water. They were too far down for him to make it to the surface again for air. He smiled his last smile and suffocated.

Judy couldn’t help but feel as though she was doomed to a lonely life of lonesomeness. She gazed down at her dead new friend and debated her next move.

Just then, an Angler fish came out of no-where and charged at Judy!

He speared and ate her. Neither Louis nor Judy were lonely after that.

Emily’s Dream Comes True

Emily’s Dream Comes True… A Tragic Whale Story

As Henry eyed with glee his prospective whale casualties, Dwight had already captured a small, but promising, prize. It bled profusely.

 

Seeing their imminent danger, Emily and Louis dove deep below the sea.

 

The harpoon grazed the water, and Emily and Louis yelped out loud. Much to Henry’s dismay, the harpoon fell short several feet.

 

While Henry wept, Emily and Louis mourned the death of their friend, but celebrated their own survival with apple-tinis and disco music.

 

Henry sailed his boat away, still feeling down. Emily looked on sadly, realizing she loved this cruel, fishing man.

 

Emily moped for days, completely overlooking the plentiful school of rainbow fish that she and Louis used to enjoy munching on so much. Louis was at a loss for how to cheer her up.

 

Nearly a fortnight passed before the sun was high in the sky again and Emily and Henry were reunited. Both were at a loss for words to express the overwhelming joy that completely overpowered them.

 

Sadly, it was a different joy for each. Henry harpooned Emily and dragged her bleeding carcass home.



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