Chloe in Love… A Tragic Whale Story
Ever since she was a young thing, Chloe wanted to be loved.
She had her first kiss in the second grade with a charming little boy whale by the name of Theodore.
He moved away soon after.
Theodore promised to write big, choppy letters with a misshapen, second-grader’s alphabet as often as possible. Chloe promised to dictate legible responses to her dad as he typed them on the computer for her.
Theodore’s plane crashed. All perished.
It took a long time and many years, but Chloe was finally able to stop crying and move on with her life. Albert was her new Theodore, and she promptly started wearing makeup.
At 28, Albert was ten years her senior and an international business phenomenon. He traveled the world on a daily basis. Terrified of planes, Albert always traveled by boat.
Chloe was sure Albert would propose to her, they were SO in love!
Meanwhile, somewhere in the North Atlantic…
Albert’s ship was crashing into an iceberg. Considering first that the ship was rumored to be unsinkable, and second that everyone on board was a whale, it was a mystery as to how they all perished.
But they did.
Chloe slumped into a terrible depression. She lost vast amounts of weight and became, accidently, whale-orexic.
Her parents sent her to rehab to get whale-y again.
It took two years, but Chloe was finally back to her old self. Plus, she’d met, and fallen in love with, a very attractive rehab attendant. His name was Arty.
Chloe had found the love she’d been searching for her entire life. The deaths of Theodore and Albert were blessings in disguise; Arty was the real deal.
Arty was thoughtful and made Chloe laugh. They planned to live happily ever after.
Almost out of nowhere, a shark appeared and gobbled them up. They died together.
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Bernice and the Big “C”… A Tragic Whale Story
Bernice had been working at the DMV for almost a year and the customers were
She decided to step out back with a couple of her co-workers while on break.
Within weeks, Bernice was out of work and in the hospital. It was hard for the doctors to determine the cause of her symptoms.
Finally, they discovered the problem. Bernice was suffering from cancer.
Bernice didn’t know what to do. Not wanting a slow death surrounded by white coats, she ravaged her hospital room and swallowed every pill she could find.
Unfortunately, the doctor was only moments away from telling her that he had mixed up her X-ray with another patient’s.
