Archive for August, 2011
Tags: collections, crafting, DIY, hording, owls, scissors
As stated in my “About” section, I like to collect things. I have so many collections! Books, wheat pennies, turtle-looking things, rocks, post cards, etc. But some of my favorite things to acquire more of are scissors! Typical Kerry conversation:
Me (looking at scissors at a store): “Do you think I need more scissors?”
Friend or family member: “No.”
Me: “But can a person really have enough scissors?”
F or Fm: “Yes.”
Me: “But what if you need some and the ones you have just aren’t shark enough!”
F or Fm: “You have a lot of sharp pairs of scissors. Don’t buy any more.”
Me: “Now this is important, when we get to Ikea, DO NOT let me buy their scissors. I already have two sets and I don’t need more of the same ones.”
F or Fm: “Ok, no problemo.”
Me: “YES PROBLEMO! YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND, I WILL TRY TO SWINDLE YOU. I’m trusting you not to let me buy those scissors.”
Obviously someone failed because I do have the two sets. And I love them.
Here’s most of them!
I like to keep a mug of the best ones on my desk for projects. The rest are in the scissors, tape, and glue drawer just out of reach.
Just today I got a new pair with owls on them! Owls! Right on the blades!
Me: “Ooooh! Do you think I need scissors with owls on them?”
Me: “Ten year warranty!”
Cousin: “On the scissors or the owls? There better be a warranty on those owls for when they scrape off when you cut things.”
You just can’t have too many.
Tags: Bird, foolishness, humor, hurricane Irene, tropical storm irene
People are so worried about people that they don’t even think about cute baby animals (or small animals that look like babies and will therefore be referred to by me as baby animals).
Like this bird:
Found him in my driveway, just hanging out crunched in a little bird ball. I said, “Bird, what are you doing out here? Go hide in those trees where it’s safe!”
Bird ignored me.
So I said, “Bird, listen. There’s a storm happening. Go over by those trees! The brush will protect you!” Nothing. Just staring across the driveway.
I didn’t want to touch him in case other birds refused to be his friend after, so I tried to scare him into the woods. Bird would ONLY try to relocate during wind gusts, and being a small (baby?) bird he kept flopping over. Idiot. But we made it onto the rocks and off of where cars park.
Then Bird started talking to some other smarter bird that was hiding in the woods. I couldn’t understand him, but I’m sure it roughly translated to, “Who the heck is this crazy person? I’m tired and (possibly) injured and she’s yelling at me!”
Let that record reflect that I will yell at anything that is acting foolish. As Bird was.
Finally I coaxed him over to a tree.
I think Irene has claimed two human lives so far, but how many birds and other animals (except squirrels, they don’t count) has she taken? That’s real tragedy.
Tags: fashion advice, humor, Mom, ring, shiny things
Tags: Adolf Hitler, Angela Lambert, bad books, bad writing, book reviews, Eva Braun, Nazis, The Lost Life of Eva Braun, WW2
On top of killing whales and crafting the days away, I like to read. I read a lot. Because I like to write, I end up writing in most of my books. I also dog ear the pages and sometimes spill water on them (that last part not on purpose!) My brother even got me a library card kit for Christmas, complete with stamper to stamp the dates in, hahaha.
Sometimes, however, I end up with a “Frustrating Read” where I just get mad a lot at the book / author. I recently finished “The Lost Life of Eva Braun,” by Angela Lambert, and lemme tell you, it was a major piece of work. Not, like, “A major piece of work that should be read by every tenth grader from here to the Pacific Coast.” More like, “a major chore to read and once it was so bad I thought I was crying but really my eyes were just bleeding.”
Also, because I was afraid of copy write infringement I blurred out most of the text in these pictures… Because I’m afraid of silly things like infringing on copy writes.
So here we go, five unforgivable errors that could have been avoided.
PROBLEM NUMBER ONE:
Another misspelled name!
On a Kerry Star rating I gave this book a 1.5 out of 5 (the bits on Eva were interesting) and would not recommend it. Ever.
Tags: bathroom, crafts, decore, DIY, Free Willy, killer whales, Orca, whale
We had these awful dead flower decorations in our little downstairs bathroom. Check ‘em:
Hideous, I know. They’d get knocked off the wall ALL THE TIME and left dried up, dead plant flakes everywhere. I don’t know who picked them out (my mom) but I never liked them. So I said, “Not anymore!” And I got to work:
Before the amazing new wall art was installed:
I can understand if you shield your eyes from the unbelievable boringness that is this wall. WAS this wall! Now we have:
So much better! I should note that the wall is actually a cream color and doesn’t look as washed out as this picture makes it out to be. Killer whales, the best addition to any bathroom.
Tags: crafts, DIY, felt, Monsieur Sharkie, sew, shark, sharks, snap purse, the tragic whale
Aside from neglecting my blog, I’m an avid crafter! (Attempted avid crafter; sometimes I neglect that too.) Lately I’ve been working a lot with my sewing machine- just ditzing around and trying to create new things. But then I thought (and Jordan said, like, ten zillion times) why don’t I make things related to my (neglected) blog! And here’s what I came up with:
Monsieur Sharkie! Remember that adorable little shark that eats Chloe and Arty at the end of “Chloe in Love?” Well now I can put money and my phone in him! Lemme walk you through this process. First I cut up a bunch of felt:
Yeah, so much felt! Then I drank quite a bit of soda and started building little shark bodies. Sewing on the teeth, giving them eye brows:
Slapped on a couple of eyes:
And some mouth snaps happened:
And pretty soon I had a school of Sharkies! Do sharks come in schools?
Looks like they’re plotting something in this picture, ahahaha.Watch out they don’t eat your credit cards!
Tags: coffee table, humor, Mom, panda, perch, pets
My dog likes to perch on people and things. If he finds you sleeping in bed, he’ll climb up on your back and sit down. If you’re in a chair he’ll try to get in your lap. He sits on the tops of chairs and sofas, like a cat, instead of on the cushion part. And once in a while he’ll take a nap under the foot stool.
But my FAVORITE is this:
My mom falls asleep on the sofa at night and Panda walks across her body like a sheep on a mountain range and settles down on her shoulders. And she sleeps through it!
Tags: cancer, DMV, humor, misunderstandings, morbid, RMV, tragic whale story, whale, whales, white coat